Also a relevant cause: a misandrist culture teaching boys that their existence is inherently "toxic"; if so, then their lack of existence is plausibly understood as a good thing, especially for boys who are predisposed to depression, etc.
As always, I love your writing because it helps me feel less alone. Every article you write makes me think, “oh, I’m actually normal/not alone in how things have sucked for me.” That’s really reassuring for me, even if the circumstances are rough.
The Charlie Kirk killing is sad on so many levels. Of course for him and his family....but now we know it was a young dissolusioned man. 22 years old. He ruined Kirk and his family's lives....and his own. We need to stop the useless diatribe about 'toxic masculinity'. That refers to misogyny. Not to men in general. Focusing on that is not helping our young men. Let's look for real solutions. We desparately need teacher input....from both women and men on what they see in successful young men and how we can help the others get there. And input from mental health professionals. In my layman's perspective as a mom of 3 sons, we need a non-college path for men who aren't interested in college. My youngest son is the one of mine who is struggling. The other two went to college and have careers and at are seemingly happy. The youngest went for 2 years, decided it wasn't for him. Went down the alcohol path. Slowly climbing out of that hole now. He has become a plumber and that seems to be giving him the self confidence he needs to make some progress. I'm not saying vocational opportunities is the only solution, but I think it should be part of it. Hey, after all, you can't outsource plumbing to India!
One issue here is that there is a slight male bias in live births: 105 male to 100 female. This is because historically, boys were less likely to be born alive and significantly less likely to survive childhood and adolescence. In today's societies, this is greatly reduced, and so the result is a male surplus in formation of romantic pairings even without any immigration or bisexual women (more common than bisexual men) pairing off.
Most people seem to think this is an argument for "RETVRN": banning immigration, banning homosexual relationships, and (in so many words) forcing young men to kill each other.
I propose a better solution: subsidize sperm sorting and IVF that selects for female babies. Deliberately shift the gender ratio of live births towards girls. Consider:
Say 20% of births in the population use the female-biased method:
This allows every man a woman, with plenty left over for bisexual woman-woman pairings, immigrant workers, and de facto polygyny with rich men (which, to be clear, should be encouraged for eugenic reasons).
I was taught that the bias toward male zygotes is that genetically, they are more apt to not be successful, as in higher death rate in utero and at birth. Also, a higher death rate in infancy. Has to do with the Y chromosome lacking genetic information. By having more males conceived, the evolutionary goal was to have 50/50 males and females by procreation age. You could argue that advances in medical technology has eliminated some of the male losses. But there's also the loss of males that comes from testosterone driven dare devil activity. I think by adulthood, historically, there are more females than males.
There really is no way to stem male zygotes from being miscarried due genetic issues. Where is your data that there a more males than females by the time they are of breeding age?
Thank you Ken! I feel so strongly about this, and mostly on behalf of men who along with we women have also been harmed by systemic profit and power-driven priorities of patriarchy and which still robs so many men of their hearts and souls. Do you wonder when men are still sent out to war to kill and be killed that we complain they're not in touch with their feelings? Patriarchy has kept we women under wraps for millennia and more than ever today it so needs updating as we are now recognized to have brains, and not just bodies. Not least in a humble appreciation of our life-source -- Mother Nature -- both planetary and personal.
Because of our species rarely recognized mammalian origins and the reproductive and seductive power female has over male, naturally for we homo-sapiens men have established their dominant power and control over women and for their traditional roles as protector/provider. Men and boys today now tragically trapped by women's success as we all need to better appreciate each other and adapt and accept and to actually and intentionally and consciously evolve, together. Together as men and women, and for the sake of boys and girls who today who have no idea which end is up, here on our forsaken Earth.
In this context of men's and boys new vulnerability, I as a one time attractive binary woman have something that irks me now we have achieved what we have in more autonomy and independence. Why today still so many of the most visible women still also programmed by glamor to play up on our power to attract and allure? Why still choosing the cleavage and clingy clothes to taunt men with our primal sexuality while now we are also soccer-players and CEO's and Governors and Secretaries, like Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, and Melania and Ivanka and even CNN's seriously respectable Kaitlin Collins with the now low-cut shirts and uniform breast-length long wavy hair. Why? cos it still draws you men in, darn it, and we still do it!
Is it not for us all to see where we are today? And where the world is going down hill, still pretty much everywhere with men on top. The manosphere that placed misogyny and 'daddy's girls' in todays Administration and with it the new dehumanizing heartlessness and a frightening dumbing down of America. And it is for all of us, to do something about it, before it is really too late. We need to figure out what's in it for men any more when we women can now be it all, and have it all. And when we can and do drive our own trucks and big SUVs like here where I live in Upstate NY.
About time we women better understood and empathized with the plight of so many men and boys today..and thus girls and gays and Trans and LGBTQ too as many of us have thousands of years of experience of being made to feel inferior and useless and such a longing to be seen and acknowledged as the whole people we are. Not just defined by our anatomy, but this understanding as a deep plea for our whole Humanity ~~~
Thank you for your important article. I just did a presentation to my high school Staff on restrictive masculinity last May to highlight All of the challenges our young men are facing. I think it is also important to recognize that historically , men use more violent nenas in an attempt to end their lives, as one of your commenters mentioned. Women do attempt to take their lives more often, but with less violent means, and therefore more often survive their attempts.
So much to say about all this as we women should better understand boys and men's current plight because, for eons, we've been the vulnerable ones, left to cope with feeling powerless and devalued and dependent. And at long last when we've thankfully gained some autonomy and independence, now the boot's on the other foot. Surely it is for us ALL -- women and men together -- to appreciate each other beyond our divisive anatomy and to join in our common humanity? ☯️💞☮️ Please? can you, can we, do this?
Jude I am so pleased at your conclusion: "women and men together...join in our common humanity".
Often the fact of women's subordination for centuries is used as reason for men to suck it up and to feel what it's like for a while. Women like you are pursuing higher ground, and many men do the same. The alternative is mutual antagonism.
You say women have learnt to cope. This is very true. Although, women coping with subordination may be different to men coping with alienation. While "feeling powerless, devalued and dependent", women always had the indispensable role of mothering [although not all are mothers]. A mother always had that vital link with her children. In this sense women were never dispensable. But it's different for men: in today's society men may sense they are no longer needed.
Richard Reeves quotes research that suggests the big concern for men considering suicide is a sense of uselessness. Mothers have never been useless. And though men are no longer necessary for this we must keep affirming how good it is to have good men around. Each man can know he has a purpose.
We must support men to find their sense of purpose, and all men will find great purpose in supporting the women around them to be all that they can be. "Common humanity" indeed.
I read the Statnews article on suicide rates among older men.
1) horrible and heartbreaking
2) the article suggests the most significant structural factor is access to and use of firearms. women and men over 50 attempt suicide at similar rates. but men are much more likely to use firearms and unlike other methods, suicide attempts by firearms are 95% effective.
We’re losing a lot of older men prematurely. More people need to know this fact. Before reading this I would have guessed that most suicides were among men before they reached 50.
But if most (or even all) of the discrepancy is caused use of and access to guns than perhaps it’s not so much of a older men’s mental health crisis, but a problem of men’s familiarity, comfort, and use of firearms smashing into a epidemic of loneliness and loss of self that elderly Americans of both genders are facing.
If that’s accurate as a society we should both address the loneliness epidemic and support families and friends to remove guns from individuals contemplating suicide.
This is a huge problem that actually has a solution that has been tried and proven to be effective. Finland, back in the 1980's attacked this problem and cared for its men in a way that no other country has ever done. Here's the first part of a four part series on this https://menaregood.substack.com/p/when-men-hurt-finlands-lesson-for
If I may, I'd like to add something: I believe the male emotional expression issue is two pronged. I don't think it's solely a "men are inept at emotional expression" problem but simultaneously a "the rest of the world has a male emotional receptiveness" problem. These feed eachother Ouroborically. If this is true, this assigns global culpability and I don't think people are ready to accept their role just yet. It's easier to just say men are inherently evil.
Also a relevant cause: a misandrist culture teaching boys that their existence is inherently "toxic"; if so, then their lack of existence is plausibly understood as a good thing, especially for boys who are predisposed to depression, etc.
Let’s start by calling out the misandry that is driving men to give up on relationships, hope and life
https://substack.com/@filipinadatingcoach/note/p-175850810?r=6cemps&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web
As always, I love your writing because it helps me feel less alone. Every article you write makes me think, “oh, I’m actually normal/not alone in how things have sucked for me.” That’s really reassuring for me, even if the circumstances are rough.
I wrote about the topic of male suicide and my own struggles with it here: https://open.substack.com/pub/sacredtension/p/the-killer-of-men?r=8vyw0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
It’s hard to not get angry about how overlooked this subject feels to me. Thanks for your work.
Gender warfare needs to stop men versus women. Other wise humanity will hurt ourselves badly at a level of no return backlash.
The Charlie Kirk killing is sad on so many levels. Of course for him and his family....but now we know it was a young dissolusioned man. 22 years old. He ruined Kirk and his family's lives....and his own. We need to stop the useless diatribe about 'toxic masculinity'. That refers to misogyny. Not to men in general. Focusing on that is not helping our young men. Let's look for real solutions. We desparately need teacher input....from both women and men on what they see in successful young men and how we can help the others get there. And input from mental health professionals. In my layman's perspective as a mom of 3 sons, we need a non-college path for men who aren't interested in college. My youngest son is the one of mine who is struggling. The other two went to college and have careers and at are seemingly happy. The youngest went for 2 years, decided it wasn't for him. Went down the alcohol path. Slowly climbing out of that hole now. He has become a plumber and that seems to be giving him the self confidence he needs to make some progress. I'm not saying vocational opportunities is the only solution, but I think it should be part of it. Hey, after all, you can't outsource plumbing to India!
One issue here is that there is a slight male bias in live births: 105 male to 100 female. This is because historically, boys were less likely to be born alive and significantly less likely to survive childhood and adolescence. In today's societies, this is greatly reduced, and so the result is a male surplus in formation of romantic pairings even without any immigration or bisexual women (more common than bisexual men) pairing off.
Most people seem to think this is an argument for "RETVRN": banning immigration, banning homosexual relationships, and (in so many words) forcing young men to kill each other.
I propose a better solution: subsidize sperm sorting and IVF that selects for female babies. Deliberately shift the gender ratio of live births towards girls. Consider:
Say 20% of births in the population use the female-biased method:
For 1000 births: 800 natural (~49% female → 392 girls), 200 sperm-sorted (~90% female → 180 girls)
Total girls: 392 + 180 = 572
New female proportion: 572 / 1000 ≈ 57.2% girls, 42.8% boys.
This allows every man a woman, with plenty left over for bisexual woman-woman pairings, immigrant workers, and de facto polygyny with rich men (which, to be clear, should be encouraged for eugenic reasons).
I was taught that the bias toward male zygotes is that genetically, they are more apt to not be successful, as in higher death rate in utero and at birth. Also, a higher death rate in infancy. Has to do with the Y chromosome lacking genetic information. By having more males conceived, the evolutionary goal was to have 50/50 males and females by procreation age. You could argue that advances in medical technology has eliminated some of the male losses. But there's also the loss of males that comes from testosterone driven dare devil activity. I think by adulthood, historically, there are more females than males.
As I said, correct historically, but no longer true, hence the problem of a net male skew that I'm trying to solve with this proposal.
There really is no way to stem male zygotes from being miscarried due genetic issues. Where is your data that there a more males than females by the time they are of breeding age?
https://utswmed.org/medblog/it-boy-or-girl-fathers-family-might-provide-clue/
1.05 boys per girl at birth
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228321226_Young_Adults_in_the_United_States_A_Profile
~1.03 men per woman 18-35
Excellent work. Thanks. K Polzer Center on Capital & Social Equity - posted to www.inequalityink.org
Thank you Ken! I feel so strongly about this, and mostly on behalf of men who along with we women have also been harmed by systemic profit and power-driven priorities of patriarchy and which still robs so many men of their hearts and souls. Do you wonder when men are still sent out to war to kill and be killed that we complain they're not in touch with their feelings? Patriarchy has kept we women under wraps for millennia and more than ever today it so needs updating as we are now recognized to have brains, and not just bodies. Not least in a humble appreciation of our life-source -- Mother Nature -- both planetary and personal.
Because of our species rarely recognized mammalian origins and the reproductive and seductive power female has over male, naturally for we homo-sapiens men have established their dominant power and control over women and for their traditional roles as protector/provider. Men and boys today now tragically trapped by women's success as we all need to better appreciate each other and adapt and accept and to actually and intentionally and consciously evolve, together. Together as men and women, and for the sake of boys and girls who today who have no idea which end is up, here on our forsaken Earth.
In this context of men's and boys new vulnerability, I as a one time attractive binary woman have something that irks me now we have achieved what we have in more autonomy and independence. Why today still so many of the most visible women still also programmed by glamor to play up on our power to attract and allure? Why still choosing the cleavage and clingy clothes to taunt men with our primal sexuality while now we are also soccer-players and CEO's and Governors and Secretaries, like Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, and Melania and Ivanka and even CNN's seriously respectable Kaitlin Collins with the now low-cut shirts and uniform breast-length long wavy hair. Why? cos it still draws you men in, darn it, and we still do it!
Is it not for us all to see where we are today? And where the world is going down hill, still pretty much everywhere with men on top. The manosphere that placed misogyny and 'daddy's girls' in todays Administration and with it the new dehumanizing heartlessness and a frightening dumbing down of America. And it is for all of us, to do something about it, before it is really too late. We need to figure out what's in it for men any more when we women can now be it all, and have it all. And when we can and do drive our own trucks and big SUVs like here where I live in Upstate NY.
About time we women better understood and empathized with the plight of so many men and boys today..and thus girls and gays and Trans and LGBTQ too as many of us have thousands of years of experience of being made to feel inferior and useless and such a longing to be seen and acknowledged as the whole people we are. Not just defined by our anatomy, but this understanding as a deep plea for our whole Humanity ~~~
Thank you for your important article. I just did a presentation to my high school Staff on restrictive masculinity last May to highlight All of the challenges our young men are facing. I think it is also important to recognize that historically , men use more violent nenas in an attempt to end their lives, as one of your commenters mentioned. Women do attempt to take their lives more often, but with less violent means, and therefore more often survive their attempts.
There are so many men in my life I worry about. The economy has really hurt them and their ability to make romantic relationships happen
Please talk to Pete Buttigeg. He just did a piece on GQ and I think you two would have great chemistry together.
So much to say about all this as we women should better understand boys and men's current plight because, for eons, we've been the vulnerable ones, left to cope with feeling powerless and devalued and dependent. And at long last when we've thankfully gained some autonomy and independence, now the boot's on the other foot. Surely it is for us ALL -- women and men together -- to appreciate each other beyond our divisive anatomy and to join in our common humanity? ☯️💞☮️ Please? can you, can we, do this?
Jude I am so pleased at your conclusion: "women and men together...join in our common humanity".
Often the fact of women's subordination for centuries is used as reason for men to suck it up and to feel what it's like for a while. Women like you are pursuing higher ground, and many men do the same. The alternative is mutual antagonism.
You say women have learnt to cope. This is very true. Although, women coping with subordination may be different to men coping with alienation. While "feeling powerless, devalued and dependent", women always had the indispensable role of mothering [although not all are mothers]. A mother always had that vital link with her children. In this sense women were never dispensable. But it's different for men: in today's society men may sense they are no longer needed.
Richard Reeves quotes research that suggests the big concern for men considering suicide is a sense of uselessness. Mothers have never been useless. And though men are no longer necessary for this we must keep affirming how good it is to have good men around. Each man can know he has a purpose.
We must support men to find their sense of purpose, and all men will find great purpose in supporting the women around them to be all that they can be. "Common humanity" indeed.
I read the Statnews article on suicide rates among older men.
1) horrible and heartbreaking
2) the article suggests the most significant structural factor is access to and use of firearms. women and men over 50 attempt suicide at similar rates. but men are much more likely to use firearms and unlike other methods, suicide attempts by firearms are 95% effective.
We’re losing a lot of older men prematurely. More people need to know this fact. Before reading this I would have guessed that most suicides were among men before they reached 50.
But if most (or even all) of the discrepancy is caused use of and access to guns than perhaps it’s not so much of a older men’s mental health crisis, but a problem of men’s familiarity, comfort, and use of firearms smashing into a epidemic of loneliness and loss of self that elderly Americans of both genders are facing.
If that’s accurate as a society we should both address the loneliness epidemic and support families and friends to remove guns from individuals contemplating suicide.
This is a huge problem that actually has a solution that has been tried and proven to be effective. Finland, back in the 1980's attacked this problem and cared for its men in a way that no other country has ever done. Here's the first part of a four part series on this https://menaregood.substack.com/p/when-men-hurt-finlands-lesson-for
These are shocking numbers. I had no idea. We’re alway led to believe that women are the ones at risk of suicide.
Actually, it has been widely understood for generations that men commit suicide at a much higher rate.
If I may, I'd like to add something: I believe the male emotional expression issue is two pronged. I don't think it's solely a "men are inept at emotional expression" problem but simultaneously a "the rest of the world has a male emotional receptiveness" problem. These feed eachother Ouroborically. If this is true, this assigns global culpability and I don't think people are ready to accept their role just yet. It's easier to just say men are inherently evil.