Discussions of "male vs female sexuality" are inescapably reductionistic. For example, I'd wager that those studies Konner and you cited are based on undergraduates in the US. So we take one age group, one slice of an economic spectrum, one country, in one point in history ... and we extrapolate to "male and female sexuality."
How do our sexual appetites change over time and circumstance? Are the desires of a 60 year-old man those of the 20 year-old who sat for the survey? What about women's libido as they age? What about foragers in the Amazon or the Arctic? How about 19th century French villagers?
If you look across cultures, historical periods, and closely related primates such as bonobos, I suspect you'll emerge much less confident in these seemingly obvious premises about how males and females innately experience their sexuality. Turns out, it's far more nuanced and complex than it seems.
Feb 24, 2023·edited Feb 27, 2023Liked by Richard V Reeves
Ethan might learn a little something from Romeo. Romeo and Juliet is all about the chase, a young man's desire and a young woman's longing for that desire. Although Paris, the one Juliet is arranged to marry, finds Juliet's outward beauty appealing, he does nothing to really rev-up Juliet's engine. Romeo, on the hand, is the man Juliet wants and Ethan might learn something from his pursuits. Sure, Romeo is a love-crazed young man whose hormones are raging, but that does not mean he's unwilling to commit. After all, I'm sure Harper would love to cut Ethan out in little stars.
While Juliet denies one pursuer, she embraces another, enticing and encouraging him. But there are certain boundaries, commitment for instance. On the eve of her wedding night, Juliet longs for her Romeo, and it's very clear she desires him and she loves that he desires her.
Without Romeo's eagerness to pursue and without Juliet's willingness to encourage it, the world might have missed the greatest love story ever told. Harper and Ethan's world lack passion in a passionless world that teaches that looking is tabu and passion is toxic.
No! Passion is the key. "O she doth teach the torches to burn bright" is as elegant as you look stunning in that dress.
Good luck boys. And girls, give them a chance or someone else might.
Also, women often want men to express their desire in a forceful way but are often confused about when they want it. Harper wants Ethan to desire her so much that his desire overwhelms him. But there are so many taboos against men's overwhealming desire. Many men are afraid of expressing it. Women are ashamed of wanting it. Non-consensual porn is watched mostly by women, not men. It is trecherous territory and there are no easy solutions.
I’ve noticed, and I could be wrong, that there’s a conflation of male sexuality with problematic and abusive behaviours and that the more female relational approach is the *right* approach. I think it’s better, within the boundaries of respect, politeness and the law, to accept (even celebrate?) both. Then perhaps we can more constructively turn our minds towards everyone getting more of what they want instead of so many people just sitting around watching Netflix.
Young man who was recently in the dating world here: I suspect that greater (on average) male sexual desire is responsible for a lot of gendered dating norms: men being the “pursuers” and women the objects of pursuit, men initiating most sexual contact, etc. I’m torn between a desire for more egalitarian norms and more acceptance of current norms’ roots in biology. Maybe it’s possible to have a bit of both?
Read: Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps (1999, with Barbara Pease)[9][10]
After that, read the rest of their books.
They are medical doctors who care about people, not just men. They back up their writing with facts. He trained Putin in body language in 1983. (I don't know if it stuck).
I don't care what men want anymore. They are such a nuisance when they don't take responsibility for their problems. When men realize they are not God and develope into civilians, who respect women's space, women will be happier doing a blow job or hand job or whatever it takes to make men happy (are they ever happy?). Meanwhile, if men have a surplus of hormones, let them spend it on each other. They are useful for making babies, but we already have a surplus. We really only need 5% to 10% men in the populatuon to make babies. The rest can go to war somewhere that's already been wrecked, like in abandoned mines or polluted waters. Let them reap what they have sown. I'm sick and tired of hearing about their stupid penises. Don't t bother me with advice about tv penis programs you think are so informative. I had enough as of half a century ago.
Thank you, Richard--As always, your insights and analysis are so helpful for trying to make sense of our culture. (And your "bait-and-switch" with the technical schools message was very clever and worthwhile!)
Bravo! Like a breathe of fresh air. These are the facts that used to be considered common sense and embraced not very long ago. Now a small number of radical feminist have imposed their hatred of everything masculine and feminine. Particularly their hatred of men. I truly feel for the young people today. Thank you for your article and the work you do..
If women were having orgasms as quickly and frequently as men, you'd see a huge change in their sexual behavior.
Discussions of "male vs female sexuality" are inescapably reductionistic. For example, I'd wager that those studies Konner and you cited are based on undergraduates in the US. So we take one age group, one slice of an economic spectrum, one country, in one point in history ... and we extrapolate to "male and female sexuality."
How do our sexual appetites change over time and circumstance? Are the desires of a 60 year-old man those of the 20 year-old who sat for the survey? What about women's libido as they age? What about foragers in the Amazon or the Arctic? How about 19th century French villagers?
If you look across cultures, historical periods, and closely related primates such as bonobos, I suspect you'll emerge much less confident in these seemingly obvious premises about how males and females innately experience their sexuality. Turns out, it's far more nuanced and complex than it seems.
Ethan might learn a little something from Romeo. Romeo and Juliet is all about the chase, a young man's desire and a young woman's longing for that desire. Although Paris, the one Juliet is arranged to marry, finds Juliet's outward beauty appealing, he does nothing to really rev-up Juliet's engine. Romeo, on the hand, is the man Juliet wants and Ethan might learn something from his pursuits. Sure, Romeo is a love-crazed young man whose hormones are raging, but that does not mean he's unwilling to commit. After all, I'm sure Harper would love to cut Ethan out in little stars.
While Juliet denies one pursuer, she embraces another, enticing and encouraging him. But there are certain boundaries, commitment for instance. On the eve of her wedding night, Juliet longs for her Romeo, and it's very clear she desires him and she loves that he desires her.
Juliet: "Come, gentle night, come, loving black-browed night,
Give me my Romeo, and when I shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars."
Without Romeo's eagerness to pursue and without Juliet's willingness to encourage it, the world might have missed the greatest love story ever told. Harper and Ethan's world lack passion in a passionless world that teaches that looking is tabu and passion is toxic.
No! Passion is the key. "O she doth teach the torches to burn bright" is as elegant as you look stunning in that dress.
Good luck boys. And girls, give them a chance or someone else might.
would love to interview you for my Substack on technical high schools! jamesrichardson@substack.com
Also, women often want men to express their desire in a forceful way but are often confused about when they want it. Harper wants Ethan to desire her so much that his desire overwhelms him. But there are so many taboos against men's overwhealming desire. Many men are afraid of expressing it. Women are ashamed of wanting it. Non-consensual porn is watched mostly by women, not men. It is trecherous territory and there are no easy solutions.
I’ve noticed, and I could be wrong, that there’s a conflation of male sexuality with problematic and abusive behaviours and that the more female relational approach is the *right* approach. I think it’s better, within the boundaries of respect, politeness and the law, to accept (even celebrate?) both. Then perhaps we can more constructively turn our minds towards everyone getting more of what they want instead of so many people just sitting around watching Netflix.
Does that make sense?
Looks like we're behind the curve together https://www.thenewfatherhood.org/p/parenting-in-the-slipstream-of-popular
Young man who was recently in the dating world here: I suspect that greater (on average) male sexual desire is responsible for a lot of gendered dating norms: men being the “pursuers” and women the objects of pursuit, men initiating most sexual contact, etc. I’m torn between a desire for more egalitarian norms and more acceptance of current norms’ roots in biology. Maybe it’s possible to have a bit of both?
Very enriching
Read: Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps (1999, with Barbara Pease)[9][10]
After that, read the rest of their books.
They are medical doctors who care about people, not just men. They back up their writing with facts. He trained Putin in body language in 1983. (I don't know if it stuck).
I don't care what men want anymore. They are such a nuisance when they don't take responsibility for their problems. When men realize they are not God and develope into civilians, who respect women's space, women will be happier doing a blow job or hand job or whatever it takes to make men happy (are they ever happy?). Meanwhile, if men have a surplus of hormones, let them spend it on each other. They are useful for making babies, but we already have a surplus. We really only need 5% to 10% men in the populatuon to make babies. The rest can go to war somewhere that's already been wrecked, like in abandoned mines or polluted waters. Let them reap what they have sown. I'm sick and tired of hearing about their stupid penises. Don't t bother me with advice about tv penis programs you think are so informative. I had enough as of half a century ago.
Thank you, Richard--As always, your insights and analysis are so helpful for trying to make sense of our culture. (And your "bait-and-switch" with the technical schools message was very clever and worthwhile!)
Bravo! Like a breathe of fresh air. These are the facts that used to be considered common sense and embraced not very long ago. Now a small number of radical feminist have imposed their hatred of everything masculine and feminine. Particularly their hatred of men. I truly feel for the young people today. Thank you for your article and the work you do..