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Chris Ryan's avatar

Discussions of "male vs female sexuality" are inescapably reductionistic. For example, I'd wager that those studies Konner and you cited are based on undergraduates in the US. So we take one age group, one slice of an economic spectrum, one country, in one point in history ... and we extrapolate to "male and female sexuality."

How do our sexual appetites change over time and circumstance? Are the desires of a 60 year-old man those of the 20 year-old who sat for the survey? What about women's libido as they age? What about foragers in the Amazon or the Arctic? How about 19th century French villagers?

If you look across cultures, historical periods, and closely related primates such as bonobos, I suspect you'll emerge much less confident in these seemingly obvious premises about how males and females innately experience their sexuality. Turns out, it's far more nuanced and complex than it seems.

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Sean Kullman's avatar

Ethan might learn a little something from Romeo. Romeo and Juliet is all about the chase, a young man's desire and a young woman's longing for that desire. Although Paris, the one Juliet is arranged to marry, finds Juliet's outward beauty appealing, he does nothing to really rev-up Juliet's engine. Romeo, on the hand, is the man Juliet wants and Ethan might learn something from his pursuits. Sure, Romeo is a love-crazed young man whose hormones are raging, but that does not mean he's unwilling to commit. After all, I'm sure Harper would love to cut Ethan out in little stars.

While Juliet denies one pursuer, she embraces another, enticing and encouraging him. But there are certain boundaries, commitment for instance. On the eve of her wedding night, Juliet longs for her Romeo, and it's very clear she desires him and she loves that he desires her.

Juliet: "Come, gentle night, come, loving black-browed night,

Give me my Romeo, and when I shall die,

Take him and cut him out in little stars."

Without Romeo's eagerness to pursue and without Juliet's willingness to encourage it, the world might have missed the greatest love story ever told. Harper and Ethan's world lack passion in a passionless world that teaches that looking is tabu and passion is toxic.

No! Passion is the key. "O she doth teach the torches to burn bright" is as elegant as you look stunning in that dress.

Good luck boys. And girls, give them a chance or someone else might.

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