Male cousin take their lives in the last six months so this all resonates. Personally I am in recovery and only goto male meetings bc I guess I was Instinctually seeking what you wrote. BJJ is also a great place where men can be companions and friends to each other
The fault of whittling away of men's spaces for the last 40+ years falls on men. I grew up in the 70's when all of this started.. Men acting out of false guilt or pressured by their wife or daughters, caved in to radical women's groups. My generation and ones after allowed this to happen. I regret that, but that was in the past. Hopefully, their will be more motivated men in this new generation that will grow a spine and some balls. To stand up to radical feminist and say "NO MORE".
I remember in the 80's, their was a group called the "Sthside Business Men". The organization was getting pressure to let women join. A few radical feminist and female reporters used the bullshit phrase "Good Old Boys Network" to bully them.
Eventually the men gave in and allowed women to join. Afterward, the same female reporter was interviewing the radical feminist activist leading the charge. When she asked the feminist how she felt about her victory, the activist said; "the male members of the business organization were dinosaurs". Immediately after, she mentioned that she had started a "Sthside Womens Business" organization for women only. The female reporter didn't even comment on the hypocrisy.
Thank you Richard for all you do for boys and men. I think its getting a little easier for me to understand the strategy of pandering to feminist at times for the greater good. Whatever works.
Currently on the Connecticut subreddit there are multiple Ads for the Connecticut FreeMasons, which is a fraternal order. The Ads are slick and feature diverse group of younger men. It will be interesting to see how successful the campaign is. https://join.ctfreemasons.net/
I totally agree with you. I have given the book Of Boys and Men to the superintendent of schools in my town (a woman) to encourage our school sytem to make changes that are more "boy-friendly." Increase recess time, allow tboys to stand and move in class, provide "more shop, less talk in general," as I believe someone in your book says. I wish that my local school system would put in place other things you mention in your book, from holding boys back a year to incentivizing men - particularly black men - to enter the teaching field as elementary school teachers. One can only hope.
Im a mom of teen boys which is why i read this Substack. Thank you for not forgetting about the boys/men. ❤️
An aside, if there was only one website i would recommend to my boys as a reference for ALL THINGS, is indeed the “ Art of Manliness” you mentioned in this article.
It’s outstanding and everything is covered from driving, dressing, camping, fixing things, table manners, dating etiquette to James Bond.
ZERO culture war/political takes on anything. Just a classic, tasteful approach to “manliness” .
I was widowed four years ago, Jan. 20, 2020. My wife of 36 years was a longtime prescription drug addict and died of an accidental overdose. My oldest son passed away six months later. Unfortunately, he had a toxic co-dependent relationship with his mother, and followed her path of self-destruction.
So I had a choice: to live in perpetual grief, anger and bitterness ... or roll those emotions up, pack them into one of Elon's rockets, and fire them at the sun to melt with Icarus. I chose the latter. It was the right choice.
Meantime, I decided to renew friendships with some of my oldest friends. Two of them were high school buddies living in San Diego (I live in Atlanta). I found them through various searches. They were as elated as I was to reconnect. I've visited each once a year for the past three years. We speak twice a month by phone. We've become fast friends with whom I can share my life and personal thoughts. It has been one of the most rewarding choices I've ever made in my 68 years.
I am a Substack writer and often follow Richard Reeves' lead in commenting on male issues. Here is the most recent:
Have a look at the Mens' Sheds initiative in Australia - think garage meets maker space meets coffee shop. Government funded, too! I think you'll find it interesting.
I remember a time, last century, when men and boys had spaces, and then feminists cried foul and sexist and at one point were even allowed inside men's locker rooms after sporting events. Now we have men posing as women in female spaces - and even locker rooms. Bad ideas with unintended consequences.
I put it out there that men and women operate on different models when it comes to friendship and there is not much use in making direct comparisons as if that will help men. Men are not lonely when they are doing something necessary or creative or that involves learning a skill, whether that is alone or with others. They are lonely when they are not doing anything useful and then especially when there is no-one around to appreciate what they have done. So loneliness for men is about a lack of meaningful activity and recognition. When men meet up, they don't tend talk about their emotional lives because their aspiration is for meaningful
activity. Talking about emotional needs is seen as a diversion from this aspiration. Women's friendships on the other hand, appear to be much more cathartic in character.
My observation is that in the western world, local community social organisation by men in sports clubs, politics, charities, youth groups etc, has become very depleted as men have become overwhelmingly focussed on earning money. Yet as it becomes harder and harder to get well paid jobs, male redundancy in the sphere of work shines a spotlight on their absence in community organisation. Its hard for men to get involved when there are no male spaces and so many community groups generally are now run by women in consequence of men's absence at work in the long hours culture of the last few decades. The result is a reduction in opportunities for meaningful activity for men with the accompanying loneliness. Women on the other hand face many pressures but their formation of cathartic relationships in which they support eachother directly with emotional concerns is more adapted to a highly stressed era which seems to enforce social passivity. I think Marx's concept of alienation is useful here since at the root of this is the loss of control of resources to build community life which follows the appalling figures on wealth and income inequality afflicting western nations, but especially the USA and the UK. It feels like alienation in the many senses of the word. Men would do well to rediscover an interest in democracy and political organisation, since the ongoing collapse of meaningful participation in the political system and the dominance of the interests of business and finance is at the heart of many of our problems. "Woke" can be irritating for men because it misrepresents them, but it is not the source of this sense of alienation. Populism it turns out, is just a diversion of men's political energies into a dead end that will make things worse, as we in Brexit Britain have found to our great cost in recent years.
As Dean of the Faculty at Hampden-Sydney College, one of the last all-male colleges in the country, I could not agree more with your closing comments. We think there is something special that happens both inside and outside the classroom with the brotherhood here at H-SC. If you have never been, I hope you can come for a visit! 248 years with the same mission, to form good men and good citizens.
Thank you for this. I presently facilitate a mindfulness-based support group for men in which the they lear skills in emotion regulation, distress tolerance and for relationships. The men discuss and support one another through issues such as dating, sex, marriage, divorce, parenting, work and varied masculine identity. The group has been wildly well-received not only by the men attending, but by our wider community. And I am energized by time among my male friends, whether eating, camping, sharing labor or simply conversing.
Ever since I've been researching the incel community since 2017 after the main incel subreddit space was suspended by the website admins in November 2017. The anti-incel subreddit named r/IncelTear was created in Janurary 2018 then later suspended in April 2020 due to various redditors on this subreddit going out of their way to openly harass and doxx minors because they assumed that all incels were potential mass shooters. Alot of the main incel forums were raided by members of Reddit and KiwiFarms, with both groups knowingly spamming incel forums with CSAM as a way to get each one shutdown and silence the speech which have instead done more harm.
Demonizing incels as only a group of misogynistic men does not get down to the bottom of the problem as it insteads creates a box for malicious social justice warriors to discriminately target young boys for anything that they consider offensive and taboo for anyone to debate about. For example, Incels chatting on their forum about their issues with dating and how social media & dating apps have destroyed relationships is considered taboo in the eyes of the social justice far-left. Censorship of these spaces too also can create a problem of more radicalized echo chambers such as the suspension of KiwiFarms in October 2022.
"Feminists’ suspicion of all-male spaces and male bonding rituals makes sense given their sexist history. But today, these spaces can make men stronger allies of women. When men support each other, it relieves women of the burden of their emotional labor. And it can teach men reciprocity and listening skills."
Isn't It ironic. Women favor women 4x over men, women engender gross gynocentric empathy gaps, and, GENERALLY, women could care less about the 97% combat gender death gap, the 95% work place gender death gap, the 400% suicide gender gap. Yet feminists babble endlessly about making men stronger allies of men (rather than vice versa), about being 'burdened with emotional labor' whilst men are being burdened with death, disability, and disease (to unburden women from same), and about teaching men recpricity and listening skills when they have none themselves for men in GENERAL. To ironic insult to injury, of course, our PC hero supports feminist hate mongers as he talks about curing male lonliness. It doesn't get much more absurd than this.
What percent of your readers are female? Feels like we are the choir and you are the preacher.
Well written. I’ve had two friends and a
Male cousin take their lives in the last six months so this all resonates. Personally I am in recovery and only goto male meetings bc I guess I was Instinctually seeking what you wrote. BJJ is also a great place where men can be companions and friends to each other
I just wrote an article about Male loneliness and what I did to overcome it. Love your work Richard, big fan.
The fault of whittling away of men's spaces for the last 40+ years falls on men. I grew up in the 70's when all of this started.. Men acting out of false guilt or pressured by their wife or daughters, caved in to radical women's groups. My generation and ones after allowed this to happen. I regret that, but that was in the past. Hopefully, their will be more motivated men in this new generation that will grow a spine and some balls. To stand up to radical feminist and say "NO MORE".
I remember in the 80's, their was a group called the "Sthside Business Men". The organization was getting pressure to let women join. A few radical feminist and female reporters used the bullshit phrase "Good Old Boys Network" to bully them.
Eventually the men gave in and allowed women to join. Afterward, the same female reporter was interviewing the radical feminist activist leading the charge. When she asked the feminist how she felt about her victory, the activist said; "the male members of the business organization were dinosaurs". Immediately after, she mentioned that she had started a "Sthside Womens Business" organization for women only. The female reporter didn't even comment on the hypocrisy.
Thank you Richard for all you do for boys and men. I think its getting a little easier for me to understand the strategy of pandering to feminist at times for the greater good. Whatever works.
Just a note. Several years ago the YMCA rebranded as "The Y", thus removing both Men and Christian from their name and their mission.
Currently on the Connecticut subreddit there are multiple Ads for the Connecticut FreeMasons, which is a fraternal order. The Ads are slick and feature diverse group of younger men. It will be interesting to see how successful the campaign is. https://join.ctfreemasons.net/
I totally agree with you. I have given the book Of Boys and Men to the superintendent of schools in my town (a woman) to encourage our school sytem to make changes that are more "boy-friendly." Increase recess time, allow tboys to stand and move in class, provide "more shop, less talk in general," as I believe someone in your book says. I wish that my local school system would put in place other things you mention in your book, from holding boys back a year to incentivizing men - particularly black men - to enter the teaching field as elementary school teachers. One can only hope.
Im a mom of teen boys which is why i read this Substack. Thank you for not forgetting about the boys/men. ❤️
An aside, if there was only one website i would recommend to my boys as a reference for ALL THINGS, is indeed the “ Art of Manliness” you mentioned in this article.
It’s outstanding and everything is covered from driving, dressing, camping, fixing things, table manners, dating etiquette to James Bond.
ZERO culture war/political takes on anything. Just a classic, tasteful approach to “manliness” .
Go to the Menu and the options are endless.
https://www.artofmanliness.com
I was widowed four years ago, Jan. 20, 2020. My wife of 36 years was a longtime prescription drug addict and died of an accidental overdose. My oldest son passed away six months later. Unfortunately, he had a toxic co-dependent relationship with his mother, and followed her path of self-destruction.
So I had a choice: to live in perpetual grief, anger and bitterness ... or roll those emotions up, pack them into one of Elon's rockets, and fire them at the sun to melt with Icarus. I chose the latter. It was the right choice.
Meantime, I decided to renew friendships with some of my oldest friends. Two of them were high school buddies living in San Diego (I live in Atlanta). I found them through various searches. They were as elated as I was to reconnect. I've visited each once a year for the past three years. We speak twice a month by phone. We've become fast friends with whom I can share my life and personal thoughts. It has been one of the most rewarding choices I've ever made in my 68 years.
I am a Substack writer and often follow Richard Reeves' lead in commenting on male issues. Here is the most recent:
https://jimgeschke.substack.com/p/the-politics-of-boys-and-men
Have a look at the Mens' Sheds initiative in Australia - think garage meets maker space meets coffee shop. Government funded, too! I think you'll find it interesting.
I remember a time, last century, when men and boys had spaces, and then feminists cried foul and sexist and at one point were even allowed inside men's locker rooms after sporting events. Now we have men posing as women in female spaces - and even locker rooms. Bad ideas with unintended consequences.
I put it out there that men and women operate on different models when it comes to friendship and there is not much use in making direct comparisons as if that will help men. Men are not lonely when they are doing something necessary or creative or that involves learning a skill, whether that is alone or with others. They are lonely when they are not doing anything useful and then especially when there is no-one around to appreciate what they have done. So loneliness for men is about a lack of meaningful activity and recognition. When men meet up, they don't tend talk about their emotional lives because their aspiration is for meaningful
activity. Talking about emotional needs is seen as a diversion from this aspiration. Women's friendships on the other hand, appear to be much more cathartic in character.
My observation is that in the western world, local community social organisation by men in sports clubs, politics, charities, youth groups etc, has become very depleted as men have become overwhelmingly focussed on earning money. Yet as it becomes harder and harder to get well paid jobs, male redundancy in the sphere of work shines a spotlight on their absence in community organisation. Its hard for men to get involved when there are no male spaces and so many community groups generally are now run by women in consequence of men's absence at work in the long hours culture of the last few decades. The result is a reduction in opportunities for meaningful activity for men with the accompanying loneliness. Women on the other hand face many pressures but their formation of cathartic relationships in which they support eachother directly with emotional concerns is more adapted to a highly stressed era which seems to enforce social passivity. I think Marx's concept of alienation is useful here since at the root of this is the loss of control of resources to build community life which follows the appalling figures on wealth and income inequality afflicting western nations, but especially the USA and the UK. It feels like alienation in the many senses of the word. Men would do well to rediscover an interest in democracy and political organisation, since the ongoing collapse of meaningful participation in the political system and the dominance of the interests of business and finance is at the heart of many of our problems. "Woke" can be irritating for men because it misrepresents them, but it is not the source of this sense of alienation. Populism it turns out, is just a diversion of men's political energies into a dead end that will make things worse, as we in Brexit Britain have found to our great cost in recent years.
As Dean of the Faculty at Hampden-Sydney College, one of the last all-male colleges in the country, I could not agree more with your closing comments. We think there is something special that happens both inside and outside the classroom with the brotherhood here at H-SC. If you have never been, I hope you can come for a visit! 248 years with the same mission, to form good men and good citizens.
Thank you for this. I presently facilitate a mindfulness-based support group for men in which the they lear skills in emotion regulation, distress tolerance and for relationships. The men discuss and support one another through issues such as dating, sex, marriage, divorce, parenting, work and varied masculine identity. The group has been wildly well-received not only by the men attending, but by our wider community. And I am energized by time among my male friends, whether eating, camping, sharing labor or simply conversing.
Ever since I've been researching the incel community since 2017 after the main incel subreddit space was suspended by the website admins in November 2017. The anti-incel subreddit named r/IncelTear was created in Janurary 2018 then later suspended in April 2020 due to various redditors on this subreddit going out of their way to openly harass and doxx minors because they assumed that all incels were potential mass shooters. Alot of the main incel forums were raided by members of Reddit and KiwiFarms, with both groups knowingly spamming incel forums with CSAM as a way to get each one shutdown and silence the speech which have instead done more harm.
Demonizing incels as only a group of misogynistic men does not get down to the bottom of the problem as it insteads creates a box for malicious social justice warriors to discriminately target young boys for anything that they consider offensive and taboo for anyone to debate about. For example, Incels chatting on their forum about their issues with dating and how social media & dating apps have destroyed relationships is considered taboo in the eyes of the social justice far-left. Censorship of these spaces too also can create a problem of more radicalized echo chambers such as the suspension of KiwiFarms in October 2022.
"Feminists’ suspicion of all-male spaces and male bonding rituals makes sense given their sexist history. But today, these spaces can make men stronger allies of women. When men support each other, it relieves women of the burden of their emotional labor. And it can teach men reciprocity and listening skills."
Isn't It ironic. Women favor women 4x over men, women engender gross gynocentric empathy gaps, and, GENERALLY, women could care less about the 97% combat gender death gap, the 95% work place gender death gap, the 400% suicide gender gap. Yet feminists babble endlessly about making men stronger allies of men (rather than vice versa), about being 'burdened with emotional labor' whilst men are being burdened with death, disability, and disease (to unburden women from same), and about teaching men recpricity and listening skills when they have none themselves for men in GENERAL. To ironic insult to injury, of course, our PC hero supports feminist hate mongers as he talks about curing male lonliness. It doesn't get much more absurd than this.